Grace is defined as "elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action" according to Dictionary.com. But as for me, Grace means another whole new level.
I have been thinking about writing this blog all night long last night. There was a constant battle between two voices in my head, contemplating whether I should do it or not. Part of me doesn't want to do it because of the fear of grammatical mistakes that I may be making. And another part of me doesn't want to do it because I have never mastered the art of sharing my true feelings. But this voice kept saying in my mind to just do it, to share what I have gone through and share God's grace in my life. so, here I am, I am going to share that with you.
What started this whole idea is me, being a typical college student, staying up late and surfing social media. I came across an Instagram post from a friend. As I reading her post, I remember a while ago she wrote a blog about me. So, I decided to read the post again. As I was reading her post, tears start to collect inside of my eyes. The incredible journey I been through as I looked back on it, understanding and realizing that God was with me through EVERY moment. I begin to reminisce my childhood journey.
Believe it or not, I was a very quiet kid growing up. Constantly watching what everyone was doing at the orphanage and at school, my mind was constantly thinking and worrying about things that probably don't matter at all for most kids. Things like if my stomach is gonna be full tonight, or if I could just have one yuan (Chinese currency) I would be able to buy this tasty snack, or how could I avoid nannies from getting mad. There was constant fear in the back of my head, wondering if I will be whopped by my nannies just because either didn't do my homework or I didn't do the chores as they asked. I quickly learned that the best way to stay out of trouble is to be quiet and constantly search a way to help them, to gain their favoritism or satisfaction. Every day I felt like I was like a robot that does things that the Nannies command. Nevertheless, I don't blame for how the nannies treated me in the orphanage. I knew there were so many children in the orphanage that they do not have time for "monkey" business. Sometimes I felt bad that they have to deal with 10-20 children at once, making sure the kids are fed, or the diapers are changed. I could see why they would be quick to anger to the littlest things that I may do wrong. At this point in my life, I didn't see any hope in my future. For all I know, I would be living in that orphanage for the rest of my life, or I would be sent to a camp to work. (Later I found out that the camp was a made up story to scare the children for us to behave.) And as far as I know, there wasn't even a God. But today look back on it, I saw God's presence, he was there silently watching over me, protecting me from all the chaos in my life during the time of orphanage.
That life went on until the day when I was informed that I am going to be adopted. what's so crazy about this is God's work behind the scenes to make this happen. Long story short, the whole plan for me to be adopted depicted a picture in my mind of the perfect work God can do. The smallest detail of how He is able to manage for me to be adopted is so unfathomable. For instance, for a boy at my age to be adopted is not likely (7 or 8), plus I was born with a birth defect (cleft palate), and I was also on the verge of being "unadoptable". And yet, God says "wait I have a plan for you." THIS IS THE GRACE OF GOD! While I was that little kid in the orphanage, that thinks there's no future. God sees it differently. I constantly thinking to myself, asking my friends, my parents, what did I do to earn that? There were 160 other children in that orphanage, what so specifical about me that makes God pick me to be the one?
To this day, I still don't know why. But one thing I can for sure is that IT IS GRACE. God's grace works like that. It does not work according to our ways, it works through his terms. God is LOVE. Grace derives from his love for us, it is through grace that we see bits of pieces of his love. Just like the unfathomable grace that causes him to send his son to die for our sins. We do not deserve anything from him, not his forgiveness, nor the sacrifice of his own son. But that is who He is, God of Love and God of grace. If you know me enough, you should know that one of my favorite songs is "Reckless love." I love that song because the lyrics are so powerful, imagine trying to comprehend what it's like to love overwhelmingly and recklessly. "The overwhelming, neverending reckless love of God." Is our Abba, our Yahweh, our Lord, and his love and grace for us is so powerful that he is constant recklessly pursuing us to know him.
My purpose for this story is to share with you the grace I saw God that he has poured out into my life. And for you to see that he is God who is capable of all things. We often lose our faith in the midst of difficulties, we tend to give up what we believed in and tend to do things in our ways. But whether you know it or not, God is FOREVER by your side. He is constantly fighting for our hearts. Prayer is such an amazing gift from God, we should pray to the Lord whole-heartedly, submitting life upon to Lord during times of trouble. God will not take the difficulties away instantly, but he will walk along with us through the times of trouble. walking along with someone during difficulties is a lot easier than walking the difficult path alone.
8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9
I have been thinking about writing this blog all night long last night. There was a constant battle between two voices in my head, contemplating whether I should do it or not. Part of me doesn't want to do it because of the fear of grammatical mistakes that I may be making. And another part of me doesn't want to do it because I have never mastered the art of sharing my true feelings. But this voice kept saying in my mind to just do it, to share what I have gone through and share God's grace in my life. so, here I am, I am going to share that with you.
What started this whole idea is me, being a typical college student, staying up late and surfing social media. I came across an Instagram post from a friend. As I reading her post, I remember a while ago she wrote a blog about me. So, I decided to read the post again. As I was reading her post, tears start to collect inside of my eyes. The incredible journey I been through as I looked back on it, understanding and realizing that God was with me through EVERY moment. I begin to reminisce my childhood journey.
Believe it or not, I was a very quiet kid growing up. Constantly watching what everyone was doing at the orphanage and at school, my mind was constantly thinking and worrying about things that probably don't matter at all for most kids. Things like if my stomach is gonna be full tonight, or if I could just have one yuan (Chinese currency) I would be able to buy this tasty snack, or how could I avoid nannies from getting mad. There was constant fear in the back of my head, wondering if I will be whopped by my nannies just because either didn't do my homework or I didn't do the chores as they asked. I quickly learned that the best way to stay out of trouble is to be quiet and constantly search a way to help them, to gain their favoritism or satisfaction. Every day I felt like I was like a robot that does things that the Nannies command. Nevertheless, I don't blame for how the nannies treated me in the orphanage. I knew there were so many children in the orphanage that they do not have time for "monkey" business. Sometimes I felt bad that they have to deal with 10-20 children at once, making sure the kids are fed, or the diapers are changed. I could see why they would be quick to anger to the littlest things that I may do wrong. At this point in my life, I didn't see any hope in my future. For all I know, I would be living in that orphanage for the rest of my life, or I would be sent to a camp to work. (Later I found out that the camp was a made up story to scare the children for us to behave.) And as far as I know, there wasn't even a God. But today look back on it, I saw God's presence, he was there silently watching over me, protecting me from all the chaos in my life during the time of orphanage.
That life went on until the day when I was informed that I am going to be adopted. what's so crazy about this is God's work behind the scenes to make this happen. Long story short, the whole plan for me to be adopted depicted a picture in my mind of the perfect work God can do. The smallest detail of how He is able to manage for me to be adopted is so unfathomable. For instance, for a boy at my age to be adopted is not likely (7 or 8), plus I was born with a birth defect (cleft palate), and I was also on the verge of being "unadoptable". And yet, God says "wait I have a plan for you." THIS IS THE GRACE OF GOD! While I was that little kid in the orphanage, that thinks there's no future. God sees it differently. I constantly thinking to myself, asking my friends, my parents, what did I do to earn that? There were 160 other children in that orphanage, what so specifical about me that makes God pick me to be the one?
To this day, I still don't know why. But one thing I can for sure is that IT IS GRACE. God's grace works like that. It does not work according to our ways, it works through his terms. God is LOVE. Grace derives from his love for us, it is through grace that we see bits of pieces of his love. Just like the unfathomable grace that causes him to send his son to die for our sins. We do not deserve anything from him, not his forgiveness, nor the sacrifice of his own son. But that is who He is, God of Love and God of grace. If you know me enough, you should know that one of my favorite songs is "Reckless love." I love that song because the lyrics are so powerful, imagine trying to comprehend what it's like to love overwhelmingly and recklessly. "The overwhelming, neverending reckless love of God." Is our Abba, our Yahweh, our Lord, and his love and grace for us is so powerful that he is constant recklessly pursuing us to know him.
My purpose for this story is to share with you the grace I saw God that he has poured out into my life. And for you to see that he is God who is capable of all things. We often lose our faith in the midst of difficulties, we tend to give up what we believed in and tend to do things in our ways. But whether you know it or not, God is FOREVER by your side. He is constantly fighting for our hearts. Prayer is such an amazing gift from God, we should pray to the Lord whole-heartedly, submitting life upon to Lord during times of trouble. God will not take the difficulties away instantly, but he will walk along with us through the times of trouble. walking along with someone during difficulties is a lot easier than walking the difficult path alone.
8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9
Sam, I think the magnitude of what you're doing here -- revisiting these memories and looking for where you can see God holding you throughout -- is hard and important work. Jacob and I are always in your corner! We love you.
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